5 Ways to Make Peace with a Tantrum

Sometimes I think of myself as a guardian angel, subtly guiding my daughter towards staying a confident, self-reliant, creative, and compassionate individual. I do this by letting go. I'm not concerned with controlling her behavior, but with seeing her intentions/motivation behind her actions. This requires a lot of patience.

When Zosia challenges me, I have to make space between she and I and really look at what's happening without prejudgement. When I let go, instead of react, I have the opportunity to listen to my intuition. Sometimes I choose not to interfere with a choice she's made. (Is it really that important to me that she stop splashing in the dog's water? Or is it because it upsets my adult sensibilities?) Sometimes I need to step in to address a situation. When I do this, I try to connect first with her and then watch for clues she understands what I am trying to communicate. My relationship with her is most important. Gone are the days of spankings and withholding love as punishment.  

5 Ways to Make Peace with a Tantrum ~

1. Label the Emotion: When Z throws her head back, stiffens her body, and wails with fiesty squeals, I say to her calmly "Oh, I see you are frustrated. " Then I suggest she say "Oh I'm frustrated, Mama." I'll even mimic a little frustration so she begins to associate the word with the emotion. It helps her know I see her, I hear her, I care about what she is feeling, and I understand.

2. Take a Deep Breath: This is good for both she and I. I take a nice long inhalation and exhalation and ask her to do the same. Sometimes this works, most of the time it doesn't . But, I keep trying! Someday I know she will enjoy her breath as much as mama.

3. Do Nothing: Making space around the situation is key to acting out of love and intuition, over reaction and frustration. I'm not suggesting passivity in the sense of insecurity, but a relaxation into beingness that brings clarity and patience.

4. Match her Intensity: Sometimes I'll playfully mirror what I see her doing. Sometimes this will crack an immediate smile on her face. I'll make frustrated sounds and stiffen a bit, making sure not to 'make fun' of her but instead communicate to her that I see her, hear her, and I understand.

5. Maintain Deep Connection: The most important thing to me when I'm guiding her is to feel deeply connected. Gone are the days of issuing out orders or treating children like play toys with no regard to their beingness. Nourishing my relationship with her, limits the need for discipline. When you are in communion, life moves in harmony.

Toddler Art Project - Sticky Board

This was an easy activity to put together for Zosia. Taping the non-sticky side of a sheet of contact paper to a foam board created our stickyboard. I gathered random craft project objects for Z to create a collage of fun. Learning about sticky vs. non-sticky materials while making art!

She really enjoyed using glitter for the first time!

She let me know she was finished when she picked up her artwork to bring to her room! 

Love's wings, my heart

Weightless water, my body

Outstretched, I dare not make a sound...
it is to great to whisper

via

When Mothering Gets Hard - 5 Ways to Bring Back My Mama Mojo

I am blessed to say I have a simple life. I take full responsibility for this choice. Several years ago, after attending a weekend long musicfest with Nate, I quit my corporate job never to return. When I was there camping in a tent, brushing my teeth with a water bottle, and 'bathing' with a wet towel and soap, I realized I felt truly alive and happy. I was contented to be with my love, and saw how life could be easier than chasing the dollar and stressing about climbing the corporate ladder. My husband soon followed, leaving his corporate job to pursue his music career full time, his true talent.

Let me be clear, I am not a hippie, a crunchy, a granola or whatever labels get placed on those who choose a more 'natural' lifestyle. I enjoy a little luxury in my life. I want to be healthy and happy, this is my goal.

Currently we have an income that leaves us comfortable... some months are better than others. But, here's what we have plenty of... Time. We are together a lot. This affords us plenty of space for moments of true enjoyment. To be honest, it took me awhile to become comfortable with such an easy life. I still felt the need to 'go fast'. It's funny how you can get so used to stress that you begin to feel uncomfortable without it.

Now, I find myself practicing letting go with all my might. It feels good, really good. How much can I relax into being? This has helped me realign myself with the best of intentions for my life. It helps me stay focused on mothering my daughter with intuition and grace. Nate describes my mothering as "a warm embrace that flows instead of holds", such a sweet description!

When mothering challenges me it usually means I'm out of alignment and stuck in the doingness of life. I'm wanting personal freedom to be selfish and do what I want. When I'm in this space everyone around me reflects that same feeling. Zosia becomes needy and whiny, and Nate becomes irritated and frustrated.

Here are 5 Ways I Bring Back My Mothering Mojo ~

1. Ask For Help: When I'm lost in the momentum of life and carried way off balance, I get desperate. A sudden urge comes over me and begs for instant gratification of alone time.  Nate will see this frantic look on my face and I will demand a 'tap in' exchange of parenting. When Nate's not available, I will ask my own mother. Thankful I have such loving helpers!

2. Nourish Myself: Eating well is a must! When my nutrition suffers, my brain suffers. When my brain suffers, my family suffers. It all starts with a healthy gut. Keeping my intestinal wellbeing intact is vital to receiving the nourishment I need to keep on keepin on.

3. Nurture Myself: When I do have alone time, it's important that I nurture my soul, femininity, and love. I live for hot baths! Facials, massage, and acupuncture are part of my personal wellness routine. Date nights and Girls Night Out also fall under this category!

4. Get Organized: I have learned the value of routine and discipline. Having a generalized schedule for my week has made things so much easier. I can map out my 'me time', so I can skip dramatic moments of desperation.

5. Simplify: This to me is key to a happy life. Life is easy if you allow it to be. I'm learning to choose wisely what I bring into my life and into my family's life. It's so empowering to be selective, only choosing that which we find beautiful, enriching, or nourishing!