Bleeding Heart Love

Living in the Heart can be so scary. The world isn't always delicate with our soft spots. More recently than not, I was afraid to be seen. You know, deeply seen. My insides would flutter and flip and my body would react with jittery scampered movements. I was a fish caught on a line desperately trying to wriggle free of what, to my nervous system, felt like a moment of life or death.

I am a sensitive person. I don't mean overly emotional (although I've had my moments), but I mean I have high sense perception. I feel the situation from the inside out. Colors, moods, emotions, sound, quality... this is the stuff I rest in. Subtle shifts are monumental in my mind.

In order to avoid this sometimes painful sensitivity, I had become hard... armored with steely intellectual sword and shield. I would judge, avoid, blame, manipulate...all disguised protection. My heart would rebel with dramatic outbursts. Leaving me confused and stuck in personal purgatory. I unconsciously struggled with the dichotomy of living in the head and living in the heart.

Now I am aware of what it means to live without shell. My insides served out, juicy with liquid butter. Oh yes, it is a tender heart....even more sensitive now that I consciously choose to be open. My mistakes are giant to me and leave my heart bruised and achy. But, I would not have it any other way. To be truly happy is to look deeply at life, find truth.... and love it fearlessly. 

via

5 Thoughts on How I Mother

1. Honor Her as Her Own Being - I read in Unconditional Parenting, by Alfie Kohn, this idea that we treat adults better than children. If an adult friend was occupied with something, we would not demand they immediately drop what they are doing for us. Why then would we not respect our children's attention?

2. Show Her Love with Close Contact - Touch is such an important part of feeling connected and establishes a sense of belonging.  It also has a calming effect on the nervous system which results in better functioning of all our body processes. Being snugly and affectionate is good for the whole family.

3. Allow Her to Explore ( & Get Messy) - Trying to control or coordinate her every move would not only be exhausting, but would weaken her self confidence. I do not want my daughter to be afraid to try new things. I try not to prejudge the situation, rather I watch carefully to see how she is handling herself with new things or situations. If I truly see her challenging her safety, I step in. Otherwise, I trust her natural intelligence.

4. Recognize My Parenting as the Greatest Responsibility - I can see how this mothering thing could be a disaster. It's easy to slip into selfish ways and choose my moment over her needs. Right now, she needs to be close to mama. This time together sets the foundation of her life. Will she live in a world of love, or a world where we have to harden our hearts?

5. Be the Role Model - Zosia is the greatest reason to live to higher expectations of myself. She shines a light on all my flaws. Her brightness and innocence shows me where I have room to improve. For I know that she is a direct reflection of me.

INFANT ART PROJECT #3 - Swirls & Goop

 

Z and I had great fun experimenting with another infant art project. This idea we borrowed from a book I discovered listed on several mama blogs, 'First Art' by MaryAnn Kohl. She calls this project 'Feelie Goop'. It's soooo simple, and so much fun. You begin by pouring 2 cups of cornstarch into a baking or deep dish. 

Zosia really enjoyed feeling the texture of the powdered starch.

 

That alone probably would have sustained her attention for 20 minutes or so.  But the excitement was just beginning...

I added 1 cup of water to the cornstarch to make it officially goop. I let Z play a few minutes with the goop before... we added COLOR. 

Using food coloring I dropped in some BLUE...

...and she Swirled color...

I added RED...

And then.. GREEN.... and... YELLOW...

My little Picasso was hard at work. 

She enjoyed every second of it, as did I!

We stopped when our goop went to... poop. 

...and then Off to the bath.