Bleeding Heart Love

Living in the Heart can be so scary. The world isn't always delicate with our soft spots. More recently than not, I was afraid to be seen. You know, deeply seen. My insides would flutter and flip and my body would react with jittery scampered movements. I was a fish caught on a line desperately trying to wriggle free of what, to my nervous system, felt like a moment of life or death.

I am a sensitive person. I don't mean overly emotional (although I've had my moments), but I mean I have high sense perception. I feel the situation from the inside out. Colors, moods, emotions, sound, quality... this is the stuff I rest in. Subtle shifts are monumental in my mind.

In order to avoid this sometimes painful sensitivity, I had become hard... armored with steely intellectual sword and shield. I would judge, avoid, blame, manipulate...all disguised protection. My heart would rebel with dramatic outbursts. Leaving me confused and stuck in personal purgatory. I unconsciously struggled with the dichotomy of living in the head and living in the heart.

Now I am aware of what it means to live without shell. My insides served out, juicy with liquid butter. Oh yes, it is a tender heart....even more sensitive now that I consciously choose to be open. My mistakes are giant to me and leave my heart bruised and achy. But, I would not have it any other way. To be truly happy is to look deeply at life, find truth.... and love it fearlessly. 

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